Demokatz

"It's coming home, It's coming home, It's coming... (my) Football's coming home." sung The Light Seeds in 1996 (and again in 1998) to celebrate the return of the lost football belonging to moribund comedians Franks Skinner and David Bad-Eel. By chance the release of the song coincided with the Euro 96, being held in that year in the glorified county of England, and football fans everywhere adopted it as the perfect thing to sing at foreigners when they felt threatened. In the end The England lost games of football to Germany in the semi-finals and the whole country did a moan, but secretly people were quite happy because everyone had shared a super-zeitguyst for a while, and zeitguysts are the one thing that bring people true happiness.

You could say the same thing to George 'Double Yer' Bush (george double yer bush / george double yer honey / george double yer executions / george double yer money Bernard Towers 2000) at the moment, that the results of the Yank midterms don't matter because for a few days everyone was thinking about the same thing and it was a cool zeitguyst. But I don't think that'll be too much of a consolation because George Bush's Publican party took a hammering in the polls. They lost seats at all levels: The House of Reprimandatives, the Sedate, and State Terminators too. He's now a what people are calling 'a dead duck' president, not being able to pass any laws without running them by the Demokatz first, and they hate all his ideas and will just say no out of spite. At least Steve Bell isn't still drawing him like a monkey in The Guardian - then he'd really be fucked. So last night it was time for drastic measures - Bush said Donald Bumsfeld couldn't be his best friend any more, hoping that maybe everyone would also pick on Bumsfeld and then Bush could slip away unnoticed from the pile of dead Iraqi and Americans at their feet. Of course people don't tend to forget genocide, and even if they do his God will burn him in Hell, so it was a diversionary tactic at best. With Bumsfeld gone Bush people will atleast be off his back for a while - it was his way of saying to the mothers of dead 17 year old soldiers everywhere - you lost your son, so to make up for it I won't hang out with this despotic war mongerer. We all make sacrifices, I guess.

So, enough about Bush, he's so NOT zeitguyst right now, as the brave, intelligent people of the Americas have told us. It's all about Demokatz. The Publicans are yesterday's (that word makes me sick) news. The demokatz are led by a lady called Hilary Hilton, who is the sister of pop demi-god Paris Hilton, and heir to the Hilton Hotel Chain. Hilary is also married to former president Bill Hilton (well, they are from the South). Hilary is hotly tipped to go for a run in 2008 and people are hoping she won't stop until she reaches the Oval Office - quite what the British Cricket Association will have to say about that I don't know but time will tell. If Hilary becomes president she will be the first woman to be president, which would be MEGA and totally zeitguyst, but then there are all sorts of other types of human lining up to become the first type of president: there's a black man, an hispanic, even a couple of people claiming to be 'honest.'

The Demokatz now feel with all this zeitguyst from the midterms they can ride a wave of public support into the presidential campaign, which according to them starts now. Across the world people are hoping that too, in fact there's only about three people still want the Publicans in power - Dick Trainee, Tony Blair and Christian Right. Even Bush looks like he couldn't give a fuck now. But whether they can or not is another matter. You see the Demokatz are a bit cruddy too. When Hilton was president he did nothing all day but get involved in minor fracas and fuck bitches - like a gansta raper. So people might start saying things like 'look america's just a bit shit - why don't we just board it up like at the end of the mega zeituyst film ' right at your door' (oh -woah, the twist you NEVER see coming - that's £8.50 and two hours I'll never see again).

the world waits with baited breath etc etc

ZG