Sadness

In 2004 miserable gay chimp Morrissey sung “how can anyone possibly know how I feel.” He expected people to react by being all like “I just don’t get this music at all, but I’ll say I like because everyone else seems to,” which is how people had always reacted to his music, thus elevating him to the status of some wanky indie God. But this is time everyone else in the world turned around as one and said “yeah, we know how you feel Morrissey. We’re all sad.”

 

Sadness is totally zeitguyst these days. Boo hoo. Oh these days! Just look at the last few zeitguysts. Racism? Brevity? The Moss? These are sad times indeed. People are sad the world over, from Croyden to Calcutta folk are wiping dewy tears from their sad, weak eyes and saying “it’s like the world is an episode of Tarrant on TV and we had all this funny stuff and now he’s just gone ‘now before the break a serious message about AIDS.’”

 

Sadness has been around since the dawn of time, but it only started getting popular in the last forty of so years since the early work of The Beach Boys made happiness seem so tacky and shit that people desperately wanted to try something new. Before that we didn’t have sadness so much as we had seriousness. People just got on with it. Then this woman called Sylvia Platt came along and was like “fancying your dad like six million Jews being killed, and that’s sad.” Suddenly everyone could recall the horrors of the holocaust at the click of a finger. It was like: “my husband left me … like a train leaving for Auschwitz” or “I missed the bus… which I presume is like missing a family that’s been gassed.”

 

So the world got a whole lot sadder. Morrissey and other sad people started singing sad songs about not being able to go out because they didn’t have any clothes. Then, this century, a girl called Elizabeth Worzel made a book called Prozac is a Nation, which got made into a film staring Wednesday Adams. Prozac is a Nation was a science fiction that imagined a diss-topian future where a nation was founded for all the sad people to live in.

 

Sadness was already pretty zeitguyst but then a whole new music called Elmo was invented that was about crying all the time for no reason. It was called Elmo because the “Elmo kids” felt they were being followed by a furry red monster all the time and this was one of the reasons they were sad. Elmo music was the straw that broke the camel’s back and made it cry like a simpering little girl.

 

The world is sad right now: OFFICIAL. I’m sad right now. Your sad right now. If your not sad because you’re all like “I got bath salts and a desk that’s been painted red to make it look modern!” Remember, these are not happy things, they are products of capitalism which is one of the main reasons why we should be sad. Everything you own was created to the determent of a poor person. You are sitting on slavery, you eat murder, when you see Madonna saving black children the TV you watch it on was made by a child who will never be saved. Cry bitch! It’s getting worse.

 

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