Capital Punishment

This news is fucking scorching!

Former Raggy Doll Sadsack Hussain is to be totally killed by the neck
any moment soon. “So what? Is it a Nintendo Wei?” I hear you cry, and
you’re in part right to be all like ‘I dunno, whatever!” about it.
We’ve heard so much about Sadsack recently that’s he’s become as dull
as fading candlelight. But, (and that’s a wireless controlled, motion-
sensor of a ‘but,’) it’s what’s happening to him that’s got my
zeitguyst ears a-pricked and my what’s hot thermometer perking up
like a paedo’s cock at a fun fair. Being totally killed by the neck
any moment soon might sound like a pre-meditated murder-crime, but
because a government is doing it it’s called ‘Capital Punishment’ and
that’s totally OK. In fact it’s more than totally OK – it’s
zeitguyst; it’s goddamn Zeit City, Arizona.

You see, in the olden days before Apple’s Mac and the Doobie Brothers
Capital Punishment was a subsidiary of Capital Records and a pretty
steady zeitguyst. People were hung and electrocuted for stuff like
stealing, coughing in public and committing bum sex. At the age of 8
and 3/4 children were issued with their own gallows and given license
to hang anyone they saw committing a crime. Crime levels soared. It
perplexed the authorities. A lot. It seemed that getting hung had
become a kind of status symbol, (that’s where the zeitguyst phrase
‘hanging out’ comes from). So in an attempt to beat the zeitguyst the
government went “Ok, enough’s enough. Let’s not have Capital
Punishment no more. Nuh-uh, not even a little bit.”

Many folks were angered by this decision, they said things like: “But
we haven’t invented prisons yet, what will we do with all the filthy
crims?” But then the government invented prisons and everyone kinda
calmed down a bit. Afterwards people started to find vote-winning
reasons for why we banned it, like: “but people are groovy, that’s
why we shouldn’t kill them,” so the whole zeitguyst thing got written
out of history, but that’s what we in the Zeit Industry have come to
expect. We bear no grudges.

Anyway, meanwhile in America the government still totally dug killing
people but only for really big crimes and offences like being struck
out at baseball three times. It wasn’t exactly zeitguyst (per se) but
it carried on, like Cliff Richard. But now with Sadsack’s imminent
neck thing coming up imminently people all over the world are
starting to ask imminently: “Is Capital Punishment cool again?”

In this country public surveys are being carried out at random. A
balanced cross section of society have been giving their opinions on
capital punishment with the news of Sadsack’s imminent hang time.

“I think we should start killing people. If Sadsack, who only killed
foreign people, is getting killed then why not paedophiles who look
at kiddy porn of English children.” Mrs C, mother of murdered child,
Birkenhead

“I want that man dead. And other’s like him.” Mr T, Husband of woman
murdered by street gang, Essex

“I think we should bring back Capital Punishment to help with the
grieving process.” Ms P, daughter of old lady murdered and raped by
thug, Surrey

Wow! It’s sobering news indeed. That RANDOM cross section of society
shows that people are totally behind Capital Punishment 100%. After
something is zeitguyst it becomes ‘news worthy,’ then when
something’s been news worthy for a while then it becomes “common
law,” and then eventually “law.” The process has started. I tried to
get opinions from the Yanks on this too, but apparently they haven’t
learned to talk yet, so we’ll just have to wait.

Hmm. It’s a moral minefield filled with ethical explosions and stuff
but what of poor old Sadsack? Life can’t be easy if your fingers are
all thumbs, and it’s all over yet, when he’s standing in front of the
gallows on his two left feet getting ready to be hung out to die look
out for the knobbly knees of his Raggy Doll chums – there could be
trouble in the factory tonight. But for the rest of us we have to sit
down and ask ourselves: can it be right to kill someone who is, by
his own admission, ‘happy just to be.”